i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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