i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
