if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
