Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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