Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
