I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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