Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
