I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
