Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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