Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
