I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
