either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
