Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
