I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
