Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
