just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
