Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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