around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
