i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
