Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
