matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
