do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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