2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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