he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
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