Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
