a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
