Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
