Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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