singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So many bounce houses so little time
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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