it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
