If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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