just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
