So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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