my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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