I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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