i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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