and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
