the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
