In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
