I forgot how hot balto sounded
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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