so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
