so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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