i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
