I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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