happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
