So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
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He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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