a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
