Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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