I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Randomize
