Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
