Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
