She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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