it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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