I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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