two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is the high leading the old right now
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
