actually, I'm a sock model
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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