I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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