Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
