ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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