This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
