I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
