I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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