I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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