Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
