im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
