to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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