Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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