just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
