Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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