i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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