Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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