I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
