Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
