If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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