the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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