Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
