Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
