I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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