You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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